This semester has been a blur. A long, hellish, never-ending blur.
Write this paper. Edit this blog. Work this job. Blah, blah, blah. The only thing that seems to be consistent in my life is the emotional breakdown that typically happens about once a week. And truth be told, I’ve been feeling pretty sorry for myself lately. And I’ve felt justified in my pity party because, hey, I’M DROWNING HERE, PEOPLE.
There have been other times in my life that I have had some pretty stressful days. Days when I didn’t know if my sanity would live to see the sun set. Days when I wondered if the Lord had forgotten me. When I wondered if He really did have plans to prosper me. Because there were days when I didn’t feel very prosperous.
Am I all by myself on this?
We took The Lord’s Supper at The Well on Tuesday night. From the very beginning, my heart was ready for the presence of the Lord. I was ready to see Him. To hear Him. To feel Him.
After we sang a few tunes, Allen got up, read Scripture, and asked us to get still and quiet before the Lord for a few minutes. The band played softly and in those moments, I realized that was the quietest my life had been in weeks. It was nice.
In the silence, my heart began to swell, completely overwhelmed. I was surrounded by a crowd of people, all in love with Jesus, all loving Jesus in that moment with me. I choked back tears as I drank in the blessings that I so often overlook. I could see them, clear as daylight dawning after a very long, dark night. And they were beautiful.
I heard a voice, still and small, echoing inside my heart.
“Do you remember how hard you fought Me about staying at UNA? Do you remember how hard you tried to push open doors that I was closing? Do you remember when I promised to be faithful to you? Do you remember when I promised that I had a plan to prosper you? Look around, dear one. This is it.”
I smiled, because I did remember. I remembered the moments when I balked against God’s direction in my life. I remembered the moments when I couldn’t imagine the possibility of anything good coming out of where He was sending me. And I remembered all of the times I doubted Him. All of the times that I placed higher priority on my to-do list than on my time spent in His presence. All of the times I allowed the busyness and the stresses of this life to overwhelm me.
But in this quiet moment, the Lord reminded me that even in the busyness, even in the blur, even when I can’t see the end result, He is always faithful. Always.
Sometimes, the soul just has to be reminded.